Coach's Customs: Ivan the Space Biker

With customs, "simple" and "straightforward" don't necessarily mean easy. Take Ivan the Space Biker, here. He's pretty much a GI Joe head on an Iron Man figure, but it's not as if I just popped a part of one and stuck it on the other.

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Let's see… I had to sand and sculpt over the arc reactor on the chest, cut the neck peg off and replace with a new one that fits GI Joe heads, cut down and resculpt the stems of the new hands, sculpt the massive beard and sculpt the collar (barely visible under the beard, unfortunately).

Not to mention the head-to-toe silver paint job with Crom knows how many coatings of black wash and brown drybrush. The paint job was actually kind of fun; I didn't have to do a lot of sanding or sealing. So it was all my imagination and a paintbrush.

"Hey sexy."

Ol' Ivan doesn't fit a particular intellectual property… I just envision him as a hulking badass with a big gun. Maybe a steampunk Soviet soldier in power armor. In any case, the name comes from a concept version of Gordon Freeman from Half-Life. The resemblance is mostly in the big, bushy beard. I also had a character in Fallout 3 and New Vegas of the same name who was fond of power armor and big guns.

Ivan missed a career in pro wrestling

Sadly, no literal space biking, which would be cool. Also, no shoulder pads! I know, sacrilege. But how the heck could he rotate his arms more than 5 degrees with them? Homeboy's got a big gun to lift, after all.

Who's scruffy-looking?

My, what a big gun you have!

I also considered loading him up decal "tattoos" for the suit and bandoliers. But they seemed to detract from the beauty of the suit, so other than the faded red star on his chest (barely visible under the beard), his suit remains unadorned. 

Seems the photography works well enough that I can start getting other projects documented. I have a bad habit of scrapping them and going back to the drawing board. Got a few more on the shelf, and a lot more in production. More soon, I promise!

Star Wars Blu-ray: DO NOT WANT!

Yes! Unleash your Nerd Rage, Lord Vader!

What is there to say about George Lucas that hasn't already been said? It's been six years since the last Star Wars prequel, so the rabid fan hate has died down a little.

Cue earlier this week, when Lucasfilm confirmed that a clip from the soon-to-be-released Star Wars Blu-ray edition was genuine.

The scene in question is was one of the best in the Original Trilogy. Palpatine is cooking Luke with lightning while Vader looks on. There's no dialogue, but we can imagine the torture inflicted on the man behind the mask.

When Vader finally snaps, he wordlessly turns to the Emperor, picks him up and tosses his ass into the nearest bottomless pit. It was sudden, and all the more dramatic because the Dark Lord never uttered a word. You can imagine he thought "Enough of this shit," before consigning his master – and himself – to death to save his son.

Instead, the Blu-ray edition interjects an entirely unnecessary "Noooo!" over Vader's heroic last act. You'll remember a similar bit from Revenge of the Sith, where Vader bellowed after learning that Padmé was dead.




The whole prequel callback is nothing new; the DVD edition of the OT (which came out shortly before RotS) inserted a Gungan into one of the final scenes and replaced Boba Fett's voice with prequel actor Temura Morrison's.

The phenomenon of Lucas' meddling with the OT is nothing new, but this is the final straw for me, and a lot of other fans, I'm sure. I don't own a Blu-ray player anyway, so the new release of all six films doesn't mean that much to me.

At this point, I'm inclined to shun the Special Edition/DVD versions entirely and pick up the original prints on DVD (quietly released a few years ago). Sadly, these haven't gotten the digital cleanup process (though they never fixed the lightsabers and "black slugs").

I wonder if Lucas is completely beyond redemption. In his battle to save his livelihood and vision, he lost sight of what made Star Wars great. Now he's obsessed with rewriting history, remaking classic films with technology that was but a dream in the 70s. It just doesn't work; perfectly good can't be made better retroactively.

You know what George, go make some new films. Not Star Wars films. He bitched for years that he wanted to make small, experimental features. Go do it! Money isn't the issue. And you obviously do not give a single fuck what people think of your craft.

Speaking of Lucas films, Red Tails will look pretty, but suck. Calling that right now. I don't care what is involvement was, anything the man has touched since The Last Crusade has been crap, at least compared to the original Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

Let's pray that Indy is done being raped after the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth. I'd hate to see the original three ruined… wait. You know what, do what you will with Temple of Doom, it's asking for it.

A few "Nooo!"s for Mola Rham should do the trick.