Bioshock-ing News

I've given up on trying to protect my childhood. George Lucas raped it with the Star Wars prequels. J.J. Abrams raped it with last year's Star Trek. I could go on about the things wrong with the new "Trek," but I this isn't the time or place.

It seems that I shouldn't even savor the escapism of my adult years, either. We can all agree that video game movies are terrible. Thankfully, most of the adaptations have been limited to games I have had little attachment to. But with Hollywood's ravenous appetite, sooner or later one of my beloved franchises would be desecrated.

I just found out today that a "Bioshock" movie is in the works.


In the words of Darth Vader: "Nnnooooooooo!" Or the translated version: "Do not want!"

It's hard for me to point to any one game as my favorite of all time. But if I had a gun to my head, I'd probably go with "Bioshock." It wasn't perfect by any means, but I love it all the same. It had a solid story and single player experience; there was no pretense of co-op or online play. Too often, those features are shoehorned in, bringing the overall quality down.

Oh, hey, "Bioshock 2!" I didn't see you standing there. You overheard what I said? Good, because it's true, you piece of shit!

I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm sure "Bioshock 2" was a perfectly average shooter. I just prefer to think that it never existed and has nothing to do with the first installment. Kind of like Alien 3 or Indiana Jones 4.

iO9 just posted about the movie today. I like the site (I'm even a member), and they tend to skew towards pessimism. But they're strangely apologetic for "Bioshock." They hope it will be good because it will likely be rated R and 28 Weeks Later director Carlos Fresnadillo is on board.

1. So what if it's rated R? That just means you can get away with more cursing, blood, and titties. I don't recall any titties in "Bioshock."
2. Who the hell is he? Was 28 Weeks Later anywhere near as good as 28 Days Later? No.

It is my most fervent wish that the "Bioshock" movie doesn't get enough funding and stays in production hell 'til the end of days. Remember, Andrew Ryan tried to blow up Rapture rather than let it fall into Fontaine's hands. Looking at "Bioshock 2," it's obvious that 2K doesn't really care what happens to the "Bioshock" IP as long as they gets their monies.

You forgot "Money."